YUUURR! DAY 19 YA'LL! How ya'll doing today? Ya'll remember how I told ya'll that I just up and moved to NY without telling anyone? Yeah. Well six months into moving in with somebody, I was blessed to get my very own apartment. I've been living on my own for 3 years now. Before I moved out I used to always say "I think everyone should live on their own before they get married", after living on my own I have come to realize that... I WAS RIGHT! The lesson that I've learned is:
BE BY YOURSELF
It is very important to learn how to be by yourself. Now I'm not talking about being a loner or a recluse. I'm talking about being able to and comfortable with sustaining yourself. A lot of us grow up in a home with 1 or two parents/guardians/older persons responsible for keeping us alive. As children, we become dependent and reliant on those figures in our lives. Some of us even are fortunate enough to have extended family in our lives who also contribute. It then becomes easy to get used to someone always being there to do, be, make, provide, whatever it may be. We may learn a few things like how to cook a little something or how to do our laundry and we think we're independent. LIES. You don't know independence until EVERYTHING is on you.
Living on my own, I am responsible for EVERYTHING. The cooking, the cleaning, decorating, getting up on time, planning events, the bills, making appointments, taking the trash out on the right days, child all the things. I also had to get comfortable with the fact that I made all of these decisions and so the repercussions are on me as well. There's no more going down the hall to ask my mama "what should I do?" Granted I do call her sometimes and ask for advice, but on the day-to-day, I have to make my decisions and be confident in them. I've got to be honest with you all, at first, it was a little nervous-ing, but very quickly it became liberating, and then it became strength... if that makes sense. what I'm trying to say is that being by myself has allowed me the space to fully step into my own identity separate from where and who raised me. I get to step into the fullness of me and learn me. I've learned more about who God has created me to be and who I am currently by being by myself more than when I was constantly surrounded by people.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED:
GOD'S VOICE VS VOICE OF OTHERS: When you're constantly surrounded by people, people are always trying to give you advice and speak into your life. If it is someone who cares about you and the advice sounds solid, it can be easy to start to muddle their voice with what God is saying to you. Sometimes people mean well and the advice isn't wrong, it's just wrong for you, it's not what God wanted for you. Sometimes it's not even that people are saying anything to you. It's just being around them and just the contents of their conversations can find their way subliminally into your mind and start influencing you. Being by yourself gives you a chance to hear God's voice more clearly.
APPRECIATION: When you live on your own and are responsible for everything on your own, you gain more appreciation for the people who use to do those things for you. You also appreciate it when someone comes along and helps you out a little bit. Like child, I can't WAIT to be married and have someone to split these bills with. yeah yeah, love is great whatever, BUT THESE BILLS. I do! ok! I do I do I do, now let's split these bills! Lol I'm joking... kind of
INDEPENDENCE: When you are on your own you have no choice but to learn how to do certain things that you otherwise wouldn't have to learn. You may learn things about cars because now your father isn't here to do it so now you gotta do it. Now that's a skill you can ad to your arsenal and another level of independence. You learn new things and build your independence.
CONFIDENCE: Making decisions on your own builds your confidence, ESPECIALLY when they turn out to be the right decisions. It makes you start to trust your gut more. You can walk with your head held high more, knowing that YOU GOT THIS. And even if it was the wrong decision, you take your L on the chin and keep on going. We're not perfect, but we are progressing, and even THAT builds confidence.
SELF-CARE: Being by yourself is a form of self-care. Taking the time to sit in silence and just be. Not having to answer to anyone or do anything. Just be. It is good for the soul and the spirit.
KNOWLEDGE OF SELF: You start to learn yourself more. You get to really see how you think, what you think, and why you think that way. You learn what you like, all the things.
SELF-LOVE: You start to love yourself more. The more time you spend with yourself, and the things you do for/by yourself, the more you start to appreciate you.
You don't always have to move out and live on your own to learn these things, and that's not always a possibility or even a wise decision for some of us. That's ok. You can still find ways to be by yourself even still.
Take a walk
Schedule alone time
Take yourself out to eat or do something fun on your own
Go on solo trips and retreats
At first, it can be a little scary, but honestly, it builds character and is such a great tool for growth. Don't completely dump your community, but also, don't dump time alone either. Like I've always said... Balance. It's all about balance.
I love ya'll for reading, and I love ya'll for real!
Lighting up the woods, one Syllable at a time