" Uh-oh! Here she goes again! She just said yesterday that sometimes it's your fault, now... NOOOOOWWW she's saying it's NOT our fault. What's wrong with this girl?!"
Can ya'll chill? I know what I said! I said what I said, and I meant what I said. Come on ya'll it's all about the balance. Let me get into it before ya'll riot. Sheeeeesh.
So we are on day 11 of our 30 lessons in 30 years series. Yesterday we talked about how "sometimes it's your fault" and we talked about taking accountability for our life and or actions. Today we're looking at it from the other side. While there are some people who never believe anything is their fault, there are others who take the blame for EVERYTHING. I use to be among that crowd (and sometimes I still am). When you grow up around people who are "never wrong" and "nothing is their fault" someone has to be the one to take the blame. I unfortunately was very often the sacrificial lamb. It came to a point where my first response to everything was "I'm sorry." I had been groomed to believe that everything was my fault and I just took it all. Even when I knew something was not my fault, I would seek to find what part I played in the situation that could have possibly contributed to this outcome just so I could take the blame. Always saying "It's on me too because - Insert Reach -". But then one day something broke in my brain. That's how it felt for real. It felt like something broke in my brain and light was shining through that part for the first time in a long time and I yelled out "IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT!" Which brings me to our next lesson:
IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT!
So what had happened was... When I was graduating from college I started dealing with this fellow. I say "dealing with" because I never actually dated him, just entertained the idea, and flirted with the thought for far too long. So he and I are in a Shituationship let's say lol. We are CONSTANTLY ARGUING. Like I don't think you understand. We argued about the importance of saying "Thank You" -_-. Guess which side.... never mind, ya'll should already know. So every time we get into it (#toxic) this man finds a way to blame me. In the beginning, I would take the blame (like I told ya'll earlier that's just how I'm programmed). But then something happens that I quite literally CANNOT find how in the world could be my fault. And I mean I TRIED to find a way to be at fault (this sounds crazy) but I couldn't find one. I said nothing and just kept it moving. Fast forward, we get into this conversation that leads into, YOU GUESSED IT, another argument. But we two fools are arguing about our arguments (yes I consider myself a fool in this cause sometimes it's my fault). So at some point, I ask him "So so, you're saying nothing has been your fault?" He says "Nothing." I ask a follow up "So, would that mean that you believe that everything has been my fault?" Do ya'll know that this man had the nerve, the strength, the GALL to tell me with a straight face "Yes. Everything is your fault." (Moment of Silence).
So fast forward a little more I'm in my room reflecting and playing things back in my head STRESSED and that's when I felt something break off of my brain and yelled out loud to myself "IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT!" I looked like a mad woman in that room talking to myself. But it was the start of my freedom from that terrible training I had in taking the blame for everything.
What I have come to learn is that, because of all the reasons I listed yesterday and more, a lot of people will have no problem allowing you to take the blame. Seriously, if you try to take responsibility for everything, most people will let you. And they will be ok with you carrying the weight of all of that on your own. The people who are honest however won't do that.
The reality is that sometimes it's your fault, but it's not ALWAYS your fault. We have to learn to find the balance. Sometimes it's on multiple people, not just one. But if it's not your fault, don't go looking to carry a load that wasn't yours to begin with. The important thing to do is not to focus on who's fault it is, but what are we going to do to move forward? Focus on the next step, not the miss step. Ya'll got me? Ohk good.
Love ya'll for real!
Lighting up the woods, one Syllable at a time