SOMETIMES IT'S YOUR FAULT

Updated: Aug 12

Goooood Afternoon! What's going on party people? I am so excited to be a third of the way into this series. Yes, we are on day 10! Thank you for tuning in and sharing your reactions with me! I know you read the title and some of you were Tri-GGERED ok. But I said what I said (NeeNee Leaks voice). One thing that I've learned in the past 30 years of life is that:


SOMETIMES IT'S YOUR FAULT


I need some of ya'll to repeat after me "My bad", ok ok now say "My fault", ok good we're doing good, now say "I apologize." Oop! I could see you struggling to let those words escape your lips. It's ok, for now, but I'm going to need ya'll to learn to start taking ownership of some of the things that have happened in your lives. It can't ALWAYS be someone else's fault.


This one is a tough pill to swallow for some of us and that's ok. We all have areas in our lives where we can improve. I'm unsure how much further I can elaborate on the topic because it's self-explanatory. So I'm just going to go into how's and why's:

How?

  • Understand the difference between intent and impact: Sometimes it's difficult to see how we can be at fault because we are focussed on our intention. Understand that sometimes no matter how good your intentions may be, they may not be received as such or create the outcome you envisioned. You didn't mean to hurt their feelings, but you did. You didn't mean to cause harm, but you did. It wasn't your intention but it is the impact. And that's ok. Repeat after me: "Oh my goodness I am so sorry. That really wasn't my intention. I did not mean to - insert impact -." You see how both can be true, it was your fault, but it wasn't your intention, and that's OK.

  • Put yourself in their shoes: Sometimes it's difficult to see how we can be at fault because we are looking at things from our own perspective. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes can help you gain better clarity on how you could possibly be at fault. Ask yourself "If I were you, and this happened/ was said to me... how would I feel?" and then truly try and see it as them, not you. Remember, they may not know what your intentions were.

  • LISTEN TO THE OFFENDED ONE: Sometimes it's difficult to see how we can be at fault because we don't listen to the one/s who we've offended. Sometimes we need to take a moment to listen to what they're saying. Don't listen for what you THINK they're going to say, listen for what they are trying to communicate. And if you still can't see it, ask follow-up questions like: "May I ask why that offended you?"

  • Swallow your pride: Sometimes it's difficult to see how we can be at fault because we don't want to feel embarrassed or feel bad about ourselves. Understand this here, YOU ARE HUMAN aaaaaand YOU'RE GOING TO MESS UP becaaaause YOU'RE NOT PERFECT! It's ok. Sometimes we just have to just take that L, apologize, learn the lesson, try to do better, and move on.

  • Understand that not everyone is the same: Sometimes it's difficult to see how we can be at fault because this particular thing has never offended someone before. We say things like "Nobody else has a problem with it. Well.... they're not everyone else. Just because it never was an issue with anyone in the past, doesn't mean everyone just has to deal with it. You may have a good time laughing with one person about something and that's the very thing end up offending someone with. Everyone is different, and that's ok. Learn and respect their boundaries.

  • Recognize that you are responsible for your life: Maybe it's not that we offended someone. Maybe we're just trying to find someone to blame for how our life ended up where it is or how we ended up in this particular situation. Baby, you are responsible for yourself. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE. Take some accountability. There's actually a lot of power in that. If it's your fault, then you have the power to change it and make something better out of the situation.

Why?

Some of the benefits of understanding that "sometimes it's your fault":

  1. Improves your relationships with people

  2. Helps you learn grace

  3. Opens your eyes to a more well-rounded view of life

  4. Improves your conflict resolution skills

  5. Helps you

The reality is, you're not always going to be right, and that's ok. Give yourself the grace to be human.







- Woods

Lighting up the woods, one Syllable at a time

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